February column "The Lifestyler" John Michael Capaldi. Internationally known Celebrity psychic, life coach and stylist.
Internationally known celebrity psychic, life coach and stylist. I assist people in changing their lives from the inside out. “The Lifestyler”
People who have a false sense of themselves need accolades from others so much that it becomes like a drug to them. They become so self-absorbed in their own selfishness that it becomes overwhelming for who they are. Eventually, they have to live in such a way that they’re always working toward their own best interests and will trample on anyone else’s. They’re not heinous people—we reserve that description for murderers, child abusers, and rapists—but they put themselves and their needs first. They will roll over anyone who stands in their way. It’s not self-confidence that propels them forward, but ego.
When you’re a young kid in school, you have all sorts of ideas about your future profession. “Mom and Dad,” you might say, “I want to be an astronaut when I grow up.” If only more parents would say, “That’s great, Timmy. I’m really happy that you want to be an astronaut—good luck with that. But honestly, you have zero aptitude for math and you have no interest in science. You’re an English major and you love history, so perhaps you should consider a different field.” To be successful in any field, you have to have skills, talent, and luck. If you enter into a profession while understanding and accepting your limitations, you’re living in your reality, and not lying to yourself and building illusions. Your self-confidence stems from knowing who you are and living in your truth.
One of my favorite people in the world lives a dual life. By day, he is a big time businessman in an expensive Armani suit. But he occasionally performs as a drag queen by night. It’s not about being perverse for him, but about needing the accolades he gets from being onstage. In the old days, he was incredibly gorgeous and could impersonate the supreme divas like Donna Summer or Diana Ross to perfection. He was actually hired by Diana Ross to impersonate her in one of her shows when she was performing in town, and he desperately wanted to become a star of Ru Paul proportions. His self-confidence—who he was, where he went, how he looked, what he did—was totally wrapped around his achievements as a drag queen.
He went through some hard times while pursuing his dream, but at some point, he realized that he would never be Diana Ross. He faced the facts of his own reality, made a change in his life, and got a job in corporate America. He became a respected and powerful businessman who runs a multi-million dollar corporation, and nowadays, although his looks have faded and he’s aged a little, his self-confidence has never been higher. He pulled his reality together. He took what he thought he was—what he had created with his fake Diana Ross illusion—then really looked at what his true gifts and abilities were. He was able to believe in himself, move forward a,nd make himself into a success by having the self-confidence to no longer need the fake drag queen accolades. He dumped his illusion and instead created his reality to become a real success in the real world.
Some people aren’t willing to fully embrace that you can be proud of what you have accomplished. For example, I’m proud of what I’ve done personally and professionally in my life. I can be proud of that without being arrogant about it. People often say that they have no self-confidence, but in many cases they actually do possess it, they just don’t realize that’s the name of it. Some people who have really low self-esteem or have major issues within themselves think that, because you have a good feeling about yourself, you’re bad. So many people are very unhappy and even hate themselves. Self-esteem and self-confidence can also be about self-hate. We can talk about those people who have low self-esteem who need to learn how to build it, but they’re people who just hate themselves. But for most people, all you have to do is show them that they’re loved. You can change people’s lives around by just loving them.
Self-confidence comes from a place of integrity—a place of forgiving yourself. You have to forgive yourself to accept yourself and that, in turn, gives you self-confidence. When you can do that, all of your self-confidence starts to blossom, everything starts to fall into place and you can make things happen.
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