Internationally known Celebrity psychic, life Coach and Stylist, John Michael Capaldi. January Column "The Lifestyler".
It can be especially hard for some people to develop real self-confidence because they have to throw away all of their illusions. When you believe in yourself, you have to forgive yourself for everything you’ve ever done wrong. When you believe in yourself, you have to let go of all of your insecurities. Every day, you think, “I’m not good enough, I’m not tall enough, or pretty enough or smart enough….” Well, it’s never about “enough.” There’s always going to be someone richer, thinner, or more intelligent out there.
Psychologists like to ask their patients a classic question, “What would you do if you had all the money and power and position you needed in your life?” Invariably, the patient will say, “If I had all of that, I would do this….” My response is, “Do it now anyway!” Don’t wait for the perfect scenario to make an appearance. Even if the perfect scenario is there, you still wouldn’t do it because it’s never going to be perfect enough for you. If every married couple that wanted children waited around until their situation was just perfect there’d be a lot fewer kids in the world! You’ve got to be in the here and now.
Self-confidence is giving birth to yourself. When you have self-confidence, you can let go of the old shell, and the things from the past, and fully accept who you are. Once you say, “This is what I have, and this is what I’m going to work with, this is my reality,” you’ve given birth to a brand new you. It’s the Goddess who gives birth to herself to be reborn. It’s the caterpillar that emerges from its chrysalis as a beautiful butterfly. This is not a superficial makeover, but a whole new you. It’s like the story of the ugly ducking turning into a swan. The makeover has nothing to do with it. You were always that same person, you just washed your face, put a clean dress on, and walked out the front door. All of a sudden, you now embody your self-confidence, not the new dress you have on, or the weight you’ve lost. It’s amazing and you just move forward with who you are.
When I was fat, people would take a look at my size and assume I was an insecure mess. Surprised to find out they were wrong about me, they would always ask why I was so self-confident under the circumstances. It was because I believed in me. I told myself that someday I was going to be skinny, among other things. I knew that I was going to accomplish those goals and I have. As I looked in the mirror and saw my “big boy” reflection, I was still able to see who I really was. I knew that, owned it, and then I worked for it. Having self-confidence means that I’m going to accomplish something. I have the self-esteem and knowledge of who I am. I have the skills, the abilities, the gifts and everything else to accomplish this goal. It’s based in reality in the here and now. I hold these pieces on the playing board and I’m going to win the game. It’s not about just having a belief that something is going to happen, because that can be a delusion. You have to put in the energy, the time, the discipline, and the work to make something happen. You have to come from a base foundation of reality with an attainable goal. You have to have the gifts, the ability, and the knowledge to make your dreams come true. For example, I have a beautiful singing voice and I studied opera for years, but I always understood that although I was good, I wasn’t great. I recognized that I was never going to be a superstar as a singer, and I was okay with that. I was never going to be that person. I sing for myself and my friends, and my mother loves my voice, of course.
people around. You have to recognize and accept the little mistakes you do that happen every day. I understand that people are afraid of the consequences, and that fear can block their self-confidence. I teach them to face these little things every day, and step by step, they build a realistic view of themselves that establishes a strong foundation for their self-confidence.
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